On the eve of a routine but invasive cardiac procedure, I find myself without any fear, and I have to think it’s because of my experiences over nearly two decades of living with a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis (MS).
Even Surgery Doesn’t Faze Me Anymore
The thought first came to me when I reflected on an operating theater chat I was having with the anesthetist who was about to put me under for what turned out to be an eight-hour surgery. As her assistants connected me to various apparatuses that were to monitor my life signs and keep me on this side of the light, we talked about the handmade hazel walking stick I’d used to amble into the room. We talked of life’s experiences, as we’d lived in nearly as many places in the world as each other, and engaged in general banter and, I’ll admit, a bit of flirting. As one of the leads came online, a nurse requested the doctor to have a look. “We have a new champion, ladies and gentlemen!” My pulse rate and respiration were lower (in the good, relaxed way) than any patient she’d had on the table in her career. I was cool as a cucumber as I lay ready for an operation that may very well have altered the rest of my life significantly. I was breathing easy and showing no more stress than if I were on a beach watching the tide go out on that warm July morning rather than in those bright and sterile surrounds. RELATED: The Satisfaction of Having an Actual Plan
I’ve Learned to Bounce Back, to Be Resilient
Tonight I feel just as calm and, while I’ll never give MS credit for teaching me anything, I will admit to being a good student. We’ve all been through our share of ups and downs (and further downs). We’ve learned our way back to some semblance of normal even when very little is the same as it had been “before.” I’ve taken more punches than I’ve dodged, and I’ve spent more time facedown on the mat than I care to admit. Multiple sclerosis has stolen from my life some of the aspects I once held in highest regard. It has ripped them from me, slipped them away while I wasn’t looking, and walked away with them as if it knew I was unable to give chase. RELATED: Share Your Tips for Developing Resilience on Tippi!
As the Song Says, ‘I’m Still Here’
Still, here we are. Battered, bruised, and beaten up, but not beaten. Not today. Not by MS, not by whatever the world cares to throw at us. Financial difficulties: Check. Existential crises: Done. Physical challenges: You’re joking, right? Like a hardened steel saber, we’ve been taken from the furnace, beaten by the disease’s hammer, plunged into the icy waters, and sent back through the whole process again more times than anyone would believe. And like that sword, we are stronger, sharper, and more likely to keep an edge for the experiences. I am stronger now than before. I am better able to cope than ever before. I will stumble, but I will carry on. I will fall, but I’ll get up again. I will be beaten back, but I will not stop. So go ahead, life: Bring it on! I have MS … and I am fearless. Wishing you and your family the best of health. Cheers, Trevis
