It seems that whenever I hear someone utter a rather mundane phrase anymore, I’m brought up short, my hackles are raised, and I itch for an intellectual quarrel. The phrase is this: “I’m (or we’re) doing everything I (we) can to … ” We’re not. But that’s okay, and I wish people would stop saying that they are.
What You Can Do vs. What You’re Willing to Do
My PTAD (post-traumatic annoyance disorder — not a real thing, but you get where I’m going) probably began with politicians, then science deniers, saying that they were doing everything they could during the pandemic. More could have been done. More can almost always be done. What they were saying is that they were doing everything they were willing to do, not everything that might possibly be done. I’d be fine with people saying that because a) it’s the truth and b) it’s how I live my life with a chronic, incurable disease. I consider all the options and create a path forward using those that fit best for me. By “fit best” I mean criteria like cost or price, ease, investment of energy, quality of life ramifications, family considerations, lifestyle, convenience, and a whole host of other measures. If I were to get up in front of a crowd (or write a piece) and say that I was “doing everything I can to fight my multiple sclerosis (MS),” it would be a lie. Even if I were to assert that I was giving my all to living my best life with the disease, the truth-o-meter needle would read in the yellow-orange area. Not a bright red lie but surely far from the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, your honor.
Giving 100 Percent Is Impossible Most of the Time
Again, that’s okay. Giving 100 percent to something is usually a misnomer unless you’re on a battlefield or in a 10-second burst at the goal line on a sports field. It’s just not how we live our lives, so why is it that we feel we’re supposed to be doing everything we can when we can’t? No one can (or at least does). Nonetheless, society, with its penchant for inspiration porn, seems to accept the reality of those of us with a chronic illness only if we can be seen doing everything to fight, battle, overcome, and defeat our maladies. The able-bodied say they’ll do everything they can to make it to a meeting on time (when they already know they’ll be late), then expect us to live by that ethos in taking every drug, adhering to all the diets, and signing up for every fad “cure” they read about on someone’s social media feed. I say it’s okay to not be okay, just like it’s okay to attempt and not succeed.
How We Choose What We’ll Actually Do
We do what we are willing to do after we’ve done the risk-to-benefit analysis and come to the best conclusions for us. Most of the time, we’ll do what is right for us and our families. Often, we’ll fall short of our goals for more reasons than we care to admit. We’ll do what is practicable. It’s a favorite word of mine when it comes to living with this damned disease: “practicable.” It means what can be done, as in what “can” be done rather than what “might” be done. It’s the one or two things I am able to do successfully, not the arm-long list of things that I’ve no chance of seeing through to the end. Practicable is a medication with the fewest side effects. It’s the neurologist who is so far away I can only visit annually, but I get the treatment I’m looking for. Practicable is a daily walk with my dog and a healthful eating plan, not an unattainable gym regime and some fad diet.
I’m Willing to Acknowledge My Limits
I’ll let those who need to delude themselves into believing they did everything they could to avert a disaster that ruined lives. I’ll forgive someone who is trying to make themselves feel better for not achieving something they couldn’t have in the first place. For me, however, I’m just going to keep making practicable decisions as to what helps me live my best life with MS. I don’t need to feel like I’ve done everything I could to do that. Wishing you and your family the best of health. Cheers, Trevis
