I was in college when an older man asked me out. We went to a concert (nice), then back to his place (predictable). By morning, I knew the relationship was a non-starter.But his attention was flattering and I was between boyfriends. Before I knew it, my one-night stand turned into a year-long relationship. He even talked of marriage.Right then, I should have cut and run. But I’d grown used to his loud, obnoxious behavior. And at least I had a date on Saturday nights.I didn’t get my complacent butt out of there until he raised his hand to smack me during a disagreement. Though his hand never connected, that near-slap was just the push I needed. Any sign of abuse (physical or emotional) is an obvious relationship deal-breaker. And the same goes for addictions of any stripe (drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling). But even without such problems, we often find ourselves spinning our wheels in dead-end relationships.
Do I really care about this person or has the relationship become habit? Is it easier to stay than make the effort to leave? Do I feel like he really cares for me? Or am I doing all the heavy lifting? Would I be tempted to leave If someone else I’m attracted to was suddenly available and I could get out of my current relationship with no negative consequences, embarrassment, shame or explanations? If you’re thinking maybe, “that should tell you something,” Sugrue says.
